THE SIMPSONS QUOTES IV

quotations from The Simpsons

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures. Well, good night, everybody! Peace, man.

BART

"Bart the General", The Simpsons

Tags: war


It does not matter which way you vote. Either way your planet is doomed. Doomed. Doomed!

KANG

"Treehouse of Horror VII", The Simpsons

Tags: voting


Ah. The searing kiss of hot lead; how I missed you. I mean, I think I'm dying.

APU

"Homer and Apu", The Simpsons


Non-violence never solved anything!

MR. BURNS

The Simpsons

Tags: violence


It's filth! It graphically portrays parts of the human body, which, practical as they may be, are evil!

HELEN LOVEJOY

"Itchy and Scratchy and Marge", The Simpsons


Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep ... in a giant blender.

HOMER

The Simpsons


Son, stamp collecting is like life. It stopped being fun a long time ago.

HOMER

The Simpsons

Tags: stamp collecting


Oh, kids are great! You can teach them to hate what you hate!

HOMER

The Simpsons

Tags: children


Oh, meltdown. It's one of these annoying buzzwords. We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus.

MR. BURNS

"Homer Defined", The Simpsons

Tags: nuclear energy


The deed is done. 24 years of trying to kill a ten-year-old child have finally paid off.

SIDESHOW BOB

"Treehouse of Horror XXVI", The Simpsons

Tags: murder


You'd think a house full of crazy people would be fun. It's actually really depressing.

BART

"Papa Don't Leech", The Simpsons

Tags: insanity


You know, when I was a girl, I always dreamed of being in a Broadway audience.

MARGE

The Simpsons


Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

HOMER

The Simpsons

Tags: television


It's okay, Marge. I learned my lesson. A mountain of sugar is too much for one man. That is why God dispenses it in those tiny packets and he lives on a plantation in Hawaii.

HOMER

"Lisa's Rival", The Simpsons


I hope I didn't brain my damage.

HOMER

The Simpsons


I won't apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way that I am.

HOMER

The Simpsons


Homie, the fantasy draft just ended. I got you five kickers. It is called football, right?

MARGE

"The Wreck of the Relationship", The Simpsons

Tags: football


I thought I'd never hear the screams of pain or see the look of terror in a young man's eyes. Thank heaven for children!

GRAMPA

"Bart the General", The Simpsons


Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!

HOMER

The Simpsons


Okay, Marge, we can go to the circus, maybe I can finally find out why a man would think a stool is a proper defense against a lion.

HOMER

"Bart's New Friend", The Simpsons