THE SIMPSONS QUOTES IV

quotations from The Simpsons

Oh, Marge, I can't stand it when you cry at dinner. The pork chops look traumatized, the mashed potatoes can't stand to watch, even the children seem upset.

HOMER

"Blazed and Confused", The Simpsons

Tags: tears


It does not matter which way you vote. Either way your planet is doomed. Doomed. Doomed!

KANG

"Treehouse of Horror VII", The Simpsons

Tags: voting


Ah. The searing kiss of hot lead; how I missed you. I mean, I think I'm dying.

APU

"Homer and Apu", The Simpsons


Non-violence never solved anything!

MR. BURNS

The Simpsons

Tags: violence


Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep ... in a giant blender.

HOMER

The Simpsons


It's filth! It graphically portrays parts of the human body, which, practical as they may be, are evil!

HELEN LOVEJOY

"Itchy and Scratchy and Marge", The Simpsons


Son, stamp collecting is like life. It stopped being fun a long time ago.

HOMER

The Simpsons

Tags: stamp collecting


Oh, kids are great! You can teach them to hate what you hate!

HOMER

The Simpsons

Tags: children


Oh, meltdown. It's one of these annoying buzzwords. We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus.

MR. BURNS

"Homer Defined", The Simpsons

Tags: nuclear energy


The deed is done. 24 years of trying to kill a ten-year-old child have finally paid off.

SIDESHOW BOB

"Treehouse of Horror XXVI", The Simpsons

Tags: murder


You know, when I was a girl, I always dreamed of being in a Broadway audience.

MARGE

The Simpsons


Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

HOMER

The Simpsons

Tags: television


You'd think a house full of crazy people would be fun. It's actually really depressing.

BART

"Papa Don't Leech", The Simpsons

Tags: insanity


It's okay, Marge. I learned my lesson. A mountain of sugar is too much for one man. That is why God dispenses it in those tiny packets and he lives on a plantation in Hawaii.

HOMER

"Lisa's Rival", The Simpsons


I hope I didn't brain my damage.

HOMER

The Simpsons


I won't apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way that I am.

HOMER

The Simpsons


Homie, the fantasy draft just ended. I got you five kickers. It is called football, right?

MARGE

"The Wreck of the Relationship", The Simpsons

Tags: football


Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!

HOMER

The Simpsons


I thought I'd never hear the screams of pain or see the look of terror in a young man's eyes. Thank heaven for children!

GRAMPA

"Bart the General", The Simpsons


Okay, Marge, we can go to the circus, maybe I can finally find out why a man would think a stool is a proper defense against a lion.

HOMER

"Bart's New Friend", The Simpsons