Nature talks in symbols; he who lacks imagination cannot understand her.

Marriage does not unite two people; it entangles them.

Men are born, fools are littered.

Beauty in woman is that potent alchemy which transforms men into asses.

The prevailing Christian precept: Make your neighbor turn the other cheek.

Until thirty we live through curiosity, after that out of sheer spite and bravado.

The politician is a biped; but he is probably an aberrant form of hyena.

When habit clutches a man he becomes a limp mass of nerveless meat.

Conscience is extinct among us, but it is said to still linger among the more savage tribes of Africa: proof that there is a pressing need for more missionaries.

A woman that speaks the truth finds no favor in my eyes, for she disturbs the pretty theories I cherish about her sex.

The man who sins and then repents deserves a well-twisted rope at the gallows.

I will be honest if only to differ from my neighbors.

Suicide--the only offence against the Laws for which men cannot devise a punishment.

The State is composite: part ass, part vulture, but principally milch-cow.

Pity in its embrace strangles respect.

The present marriage laws are very propitious towards making Cuckoldom the normal state of men.

When a fool dies there is much shedding of tears in the land whither he is bound.

Most men would gladly give their souls to the Devil, were he willing to accept them.

I must claim Fortune is a perverse hag until she kisses me upon the lips.

Justice like the sunflower hangs its head on the sunny side.

Remorse withers the succulent fruits of sin.

Heaven and Hell are man's hopes and his fears extended beyond the grave.

There is nothing we abhor so much as to have to be virtuous in private.

The only way to reform a politician is to hang him.

A man or a woman without passions is like a windmill in a calm--motionless, ghastly, useless.

Men keep on the path of righteousness only because the road to the Devil is not yet paved.

Laziness prevents more crimes than morality.

Civilization helps the disabled and disables those who can help themselves.

The angels must tremble when a fool is in the right.

Kindness is a distemper which is soon cured by experience.

Children are a comfort to men because the youngsters cannot contradict them.

He who knows how to loaf is wiser than three sages.

One who stultifies his own character in desperate attempts to please everybody is called a "Gentleman."

The Fanaticism which meets with our approval we graciously term Enthusiasm.

Mediocrity is the marshy border line separating greatness from littleness: a fit habitation for human mosquitos.

We talk much of reform, meaning thereby a change of mud in our mud-bath.

Advertising is immodesty turned to profit.

Woman is the only creature in nature that hunts down its hunters and devours the prey alive.

Our Desires snort and press forward like giddy stallions, but our Means creep sulkily along like snails.

Gentleness in a toothless dog is a lean virtue.

Many deeds are enacted in God's name which fill the Devil's heart with envy.

Respectability is a stamp that passes many false coins.

A man begins to die when he ceases to expect anything from Tomorrow.

A desire scorned and neglected is an enemy lying in wait with bared dagger.

Ten gods cannot change the opinion of one fool, especially if another fool agrees with him.

Protracted optimism must eventually end in hopeless fatuity.

Those who love their country never wish to rule it.

Spring is the rutting season of mankind.

The earth is much over-populated, hence that abominable institution called "Society."

Most women bestow their favors upon men, not from Passion, but from Compassion.

Wisdom teaches us to live content upon a bone gnawed bare.

Prayer is the stimulant of the feeble.

We complain of scandal for fear that it may pass unnoticed.

Pregnant Tomorrow, impregnable Tomorrow! holds imprisoned in her belly the hopes and fears of a pale-faced humanity.

When a man has once gained a Reputation not even with God's help can he get rid of it.

Like bees that are drowned in the honey which they make, the workmen are crushed by the wealth they create.

Few are fit to train monkeys, yet not one of us but thinks himself competent to bring up children.

Feline, feminine: A quaint similarity of sound. Brutal the thought that suggests an analogy.

The family is an absolute monarchy in miniature.

The Church is a conspiracy to corrupt men's morals.

Habit is a great swamp wherein men are turned to fossils.

The workman is a vine that is crushed by the burden of its own clustered grapes.

Past pleasures are of as little comfort to a man as the money in his neighbor's pocket.